I have so many emotions that I am starting to deal with on a daily basis. Knowing that half a world away there is someone who I already love so much, and not knowing what is happening to her today. Not knowing if she is scared or hungry or tired and not being able to do anything about it if she is. It literly makes my heart hurt when I think about the loss that her birth family is going to have to go through. The loss that she will go through. Typically the kids will go through 4 different 'homes' by the time they come home. Their birth home then to an orphanage then the transition home (after we receive her referral) then home with us. Sometimes I try to imagine how hard that would be. I imagine if that was Bethany and she was sent from place to place with nothing concrete in her life. I know that she would NOT do well with that.
We are learning and educating ourselves about what it will be like when we finally get to see our daughter face to face. You kind of have this picture perfect meeting in your mind. Like your swooping in as the savior of the day. But that is almost never how it works. We understand that she will probably be unsure or even scared of us at first. And rightly so. She has never known who will be around the next day so she probably won't know right away that she can trust us.
We have been so blessed to be a part of the Bethany Christian Services adoption board. Families who are in all different phases of their adoption ask questions and share wisdom from what they have learned. We have had the privilege read the stories from countless families who have already traveled to pick up their child. Each story is totally different.
One thing I really enjoy is seeing the pictures these families post of the orphanage and the transition home. It's really surreal knowing that my baby girl will be there soon or is already there. I'm a very visual person so it really helps me to picture what her days may be like.
One more neat thing about the Bethany boards is that once we are matched with our baby, families that travel before us can love on her and take extra pictures for us. I'm sure those pictures will go with me everywhere until she is home safe in my arms!
We are getting ready to start month #3 of waiting and still hopeful that we will be matched sometime in November! Trying to keep my head on straight and know that this date may change. BUT........ this mama still hopes that November will be our month. Although we would be more than happy if it was earlier=)
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