So these last few weeks have been incredibly hard for me. If you had come to my house this is what you would have seen

Being the planner that I am, I went back into the files and figured out how long we should expect to wait to hear something about our case. So it seemed except for 2 or 3 families that the wait was between 4-6 weeks. So when week 4 came and went I was a little disheartened but figured surly next week we would hear something. Well week 4 came and went. Week 5, Week 6 and now Week 7 have come and gone with not one tid bit of good news. Now that's not to say we haven't heard anything. In fact we did hear news but it wasn't good. It seems that there have been several adoption agencies working in Ethiopia that have had unethical practice. Our agency (Bethany Christian Services) has in NO way been involved in these dealing but they are doing an across the board sweep of random cases to make sure things are being done properly and with the kids best interest at heart. So now we are not sure if this is something that is holding up our case or not. Basically we have no news.

To add insult to injury when we received our referral we got 1 picture of (A). And in it she is crying. Our social worker told us that it was very rare to receive a referral with only one picture, normally families get several. Well we chopped it up to being international adoption and that we would be receiving an update in not too long. So when several families with kids at the same orphanage that A is at began getting theirs several weeks ago we were so excited! But that week came and went with no news and then the next and the next and the next. So I again went to see when families normally got their first update, it ranged from 4-6 weeks with a few going to 7. So here we are now at almost 8 weeks with nothing but our one sad crying picture.

But again our hopes were renewed when a family traveling to Ethiopia to meet their child said they would take pictures of A for us. So we were so excited knowing that they were over there with other families loving on her and taking pictures. Well when they got back we got an email saying they tried to get pictures but that she hasn't even been moved to the new orphanage, so they were not able to get any pictures.

This was the last straw for me. I broke. My heart broke. I kind of went numb and just began to feel abandoned and hopeless.
So I did what most women do at that point, I took a shower and cried. Feeling a tad better I got out and got into bed at like 9 and fell asleep(which if you know us that is WAY early). As I slept Stephen prayed for me.

The next morning during my quiet time Stephen encouraged me to read the ever famous Philippians 4:4-8. I knew what it said before I even opened my Bible but when your heart is broken, God knew what He was saying when He penned Matthew 5:4

Blessed are they that mourn: For they shall be comforted.

God did what He does best next.

In that moment God poured His love for me and for A into my heart and reminded me that He lead us here, He has guided us the entire way, He had heard my prayers for A and He loves her more than I ever will. The peace that passes all understanding is now guarding my heart as I heed the beginning of Philippians 4:4-6.

Am I bummed when another day passes. YES

Do I long for the day when Leah calls to say our case is going to court: YES!

Do I hope and pray for more pictures soon: YES

But what all these questions are wrapped up in is the fact that my Lord is sovereign. His timing is perfect (even when I don't like it). His love is GREAT for me and for A.

One other thing I learned is that when someone is going through something really tough most of the time they just need an arm around them and to pray earnestly for them. The time will come when you can speak truth to them but for the moment just put your arm around them tell them how sorry you are and love on them. I believe that shows God's love more than anything.

So now when I start to get anxious about not hearing anything I remember Phil 4:6 and this is the picture the Lord brings to my mind. He is there holding her now but His desire is for her to be in a family and I trust that He will accomplish the good work that He has started!